More then half of these past few days were spent sleeping. When most people are sad they can’t sleep, but that is all I want to do every single day. Because when you’re sleeping it gives you a chance to escape from the craziness of the world. No one can touch you, nothing can hurt you. You’re transported to this dream land where nothing makes sense but it’s better then trying to make sense of whats happening in reality. Then you wake up and it’s all gone, but thats okay because you just put the covers over your face, close your eyes and it begins again. I used to want to be free. I wanted to go out and run, do crazy things to take my mind off of everything and make myself feel alive. Now all I want to do is hide from my problems and feel numb.
I have loved Britney Spears since I was a little girl and admire her now more then ever. She is often misunderstood and mispercieved, but she does not let it affect her anymore. Even with the world’s judgemental eyes constantly following her, she has learned to live her life only for herself. Britney is one of the strongest people out there and her strength is incredibly inspirational. When she perfoms she has such a fire, you can see it in her eyes and in the way that she moves. She once commented on how art is her thearapy. She said that sometimes you don’t need words because the feeling that you recieve from expressing yourself is enough to diminish the pain. She has overcome her bipolar disorder and has seperated herself from the dark shadows of her past. When I feel insecure I listen to Britney’s songs or watch one of her performances becuase it reminds me that even when she is in so much pain, she is completley transformed when she enters the stage, and that someone can come back through anything.
I wish I knew why I was like this. This isn’t normal. I feel like I have no control over my actions. I have no motivation to do anything. I try really hard to be positive but I always seem to find something negative. I know I need to be strong for my friends becuase they need me right now. I feel more dead then alive. Sometimes I just wanna drop everything and leave. I am so alone, no one understands this, no one cares to listen. I’m ashamed of it, I want to be happy but I have no control. I know that I will get help soon.
1. Use your car: Drive around aimlessly for hours. Blast music obnoxiously as you speed through quiet, conservative neighborhoods. Try to see how many illegal maneuvers you can manage to do without getting pulled over.
2. Be like 70% of the US population…a fatass: Engulf your taste buds in scrumptiousness from one of the many fine dining establishments located in this dandy town. I recommend McDonalds (The one on 36 is better than 35). If you’re in the mood for something overpriced and unsatisfying then be sure to indulge in the delight of Starbucks.
3. Go sightseeing: Head to the top of the hill at Beacon Hill Country Club in Navesink, or cruise down Ocean Boulevard. Enjoy the captivating scenery and picturesque view of the NYC skyline. Think about all of spectacular things that are going on there, just across the bay. Then suddenly realize that you are not there, but in the middle of a suburban bubble of boredom and despair.
4. Shop till you drop: Spend money that you probably don’t have on shit that you will probably never use and stores that you don’t even really like. Go to Kohls and purchase something from Vera Wang’s line, because it is the closest that you will ever come to owning anything produced by a designer. Hit up various drug stores like Walgreens and Rite Aid, and buy eight different brands of mascara in effort to enhance your already overdone face.
5. Do something scary: Grab a group of friends and drive down Whippoorwill Rd, or if you’re really daring, walk it. Take a visit to the Dempsey house. Since you’re not allowed to go inside, stand in front of it, stare at it, and try to picture how creepy it must look in there.
6. Be a Hoodlum: Get a bunch of scum bag friends to hang out with you at a park in Leonardo, or in the woods behind St. Leos. Try to vandalize as much private property as you can to receive the full experience. You’re method of transportation should either be a skateboard or a 1993 Volvo that breaks down randomly.
7. Do something damaging to your body: Jumpstart skin cancer by lying in a tanning bed.(You can find a multitude of these all over town). Hit up Quickstop for a pack of reds, don’t worry they’ll sell them to you. Get really drunk for absolutely no reason. Smoke some weed. It is readily available at any of the local high schools, and basically anywhere else in town.
8. Admire Earth’s natural beauty: Plant yourself in some kind of grassy field. Stare at the clouds and figure out what they resemble. Do the thing where you try staring at the sun, and then you have to close your eyes because it’s so blinding but you still see the image of the sun even though your eyes are closed. Or if it’s night time, gaze at the stars. If it is winter start a fire in the middle of the field (beware of cops when doing this).
9. Attend a rowdy party: Find someone who knows someone, who knows someone who is having a party in the basement of their Lincroft upper-middleclass place of residency. Mingle with degenerate people who reek of vomit and desperation. Enjoy sipping cheap beer from red cups as you simultaneously run from the cops to escape.
AND FINALLY, THE BEST THING TO DO IN MIDDLETOWN NJ……..
10. Leave!: Drive down the nearest highway until you reach a sign that proclaims “welcome to <Insert name of town>”. Proceed to enter this town.
